You agitatin' my dots?

Sorry, that's the commercial that's playing right now, and my attention span appears to be gnat-like today.

It's not summer yet, right? So it's not too late to call what I've been doing spring cleaning. I am purging this place, top to bottom. I'm finding things like books I haven't gotten around to reading... sketchbooks and journals I haven't filled... stories I've started writing and forgotten about. Maybe this time I won't regress again... maybe I'll get a real start on all of the things I want to do, and see them through, all the way. I'm vacuuming up old dried up flower petals that have fallen behind bookshelves. Washing out vases. Maybe there will be new flowers in those vases... maybe flowers, maybe something that lasts longer than flowers.

There I go, talking in metaphors....

So everyone probably knows or has guessed by now that Will and I are back together, and while we haven't exactly been shouting it from the rooftops, I suddenly want everyone to know. It feels like I've been silent for the last few months, and no one except me has really known what was going through my head. So even though I don't usually do this, I'm telling everyone how I feel. I'm tired of mystery, I'm tired of other people's uninformed interpretations of situations, and I'm tired of being reticent. I'll try to keep it simple.

Anyone I've talked to about this in the last few months knows I'm not prone to gushing, and if asked about it, I'm more likely to find something to bitch about than to get all dreamy-eyed and tell you that he's just so wonderful. I used to be that girl, but I don't do that anymore - I cynically and reluctantly float in and out of bad relationships, always waiting for the day when my issues or his issues will be the end of us. Right from the start, I look for the fatal flaw that will inevitably spell doom. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I've usually found it, and I've been right, dead-on. By the end of things, I'm so relieved to be rid of the guy, for whatever reason. I've never considered getting back together with an ex. None of them were right for me. And I've gotten so used to these moments in time that just don't last, so drained, so ingrained in the pattern of dating, giving it as much of a fair shot as I think is warranted, then walking away to enjoy my freedom, that now I do it almost automatically.

But this time...

If you think you know what has transpired between us, chances are, you don't. Words like "confused" have been bandied about recently... well, the way I see it, that's what life is. Confusion, fear, and a lot of wandering around in the dark looking for a little bit of happiness. All I know is that I've been really, really happy these last few days. All it took was some talking... okay, a LOT of talking (I won't downplay the importance of those conversations)... and I can honestly say that I am not confused anymore. Not about this.

I have all of this newfound confidence about the whole thing. After everything that's happened, I am amazed at how good we are together, and how much better we can be. I like arguing with him, I like talking to him about nothing, I like telling him about the things that make me who I am. He really is wonderful, and I'm so glad I can see things in him that other people have overlooked, because that makes me the lucky one right now. Even luckier, considering we're working on our second chance.

He pretty much kicks ass.

And there you have it. That is all for now, and that's about as gushy as you'll see me get. Just wanted to let everyone know how happy I am, and that in case you're worried about either of us, I'm in it for the long haul.

Life is good, and I love everyone and everything.

P.S. I miss Christine. She did specifically request a new post, and she is the matchmaker... so I hope this was what she had in mind. :)

I guess I've got more trip pictures to post, don't I? Such a slacker.

Have you heard about FREE FUN???

I won't deny Christine the chance to explain to everyone about free fun, but just be aware - if you don't know about free fun, you should. You have no idea what you're missing. Free fun is the BEST.

Confused yet? Yeah, so are we.

We finally made it to San Francisco. I really can't believe this is our only full day here, and that we have to leave tomorrow morning. Now that we're here, I wish I could take another week and just see this city. I hate how a night of drinking always ruins good intentions for an early start... it's approaching 9 o'clock now, and I haven't even started getting ready. We hit a few bars in the Castro with Marisa last night (naturally, I felt right at home), and we didn't make it back and get to sleep until... 4? 5? I can't remember. And we're attempting to pack way more things into the day than we'll ever be able to do. Top priorities are the Beat Museum, City Lights bookstore, the Winchester Mystery House, Amoeba, and of course, the Golden Gate Bridge. Any spare time will be filled with Fisherman's Wharf, Golden Gate Park, the Cheesecake Factory... the list goes on. I just keep telling myself that I'll be living here next year, and then I'll have all the time in the world to do whatever I want, but at the same time, who can say what next year will bring? Things turn on a dime.

Today should yield a lot of pictures and videos, to be captured using my new toy... my precious... my beloved... my holy-shit-thank-you-Heather birthday/Christmas/graduation/I don't even know gift. Apparently it never occurred to anyone to take any pictures in L.A., but we had a great (albeit short) time there. I hope my friends all like each other. I like them. :)

I tried to upload some pictures, but that's not workin at the moment, so I'll post them when I get back. This is probably my last post before it's time to go home.

Finally, as much as I'd rather be in California, I can't believe I missed a Sabres game dog party. You all suck.