I'm a lemming.

So I'm jumping on this bandwagon now, because I haven't touched my LiveJournal in months, and this seems to be where all the action is.

First of all, I am immensely creeped out right now. We were sitting in the living room watching TV a couple of minutes ago, and the buzzer for the door went off. We weren't expecting anyone, so I pressed the intercom and said, "Hello?" When I pressed "listen," all I could hear was someone breathing very heavily. We looked out the window, and no one was there. We considered possible weapons to use in self-defense, and waited for a guy with a chainsaw to break down the door, but he never came. He's probably waiting until we fall asleep. So if this is my last chance to say goodbye to the world, then...goodbye...world. Yeah, that's all I've got. Prank phone calls I'm used to, but someone at my door? *shudder.*

Serial killers aside, I'm in an odd place in life right now. I'm sort of...almost...relatively...happy, and I don't know what to do with that. Things on the surface all seem to be going my way for once, and as per usual, I'm just waiting for them to fall apart. I'm more comfortable with things in pieces, which is why I'll do just about anything to destroy them. I'm not quite there yet, but self-destruct mode is sure to set in with a vengeance any day now. Maybe it's already here. I feel like lately I'm sending myself in too many directions, trying to make everyone happy...everyone but myself. I want to be the kind of person who does and says what she wants, and who doesn't give a damn about what other people think. At the same time...I want people to like me for it. I want everyone to think I'm happy, because it feels like they're all looking at me these days and saying, "What's she got to complain about?" And all the time I'm got a million different things going on inside, and I'm trying so hard to be less of an emotional wreck all the time, but I don't think I'm as nice or as genuine a person as I once was. I never did know how to strike a balance.

With all of that said, if you think you know what I'm talking about, you're probably way off. I'm going to shock anyone who knows me at all and say that the one thing that actually does make some sense right now is....drumroll....relationships. You all know I've been "seeing" someone, and although my roommate might beg to differ on this point, this may be the least overthinking I've ever done about anything. I've just been taking things as they come, keeping things in perspective, and trying to enjoy it all. And my reward for being sensible is that I've sort of been swept off my feet. My expectations have been lowered dramatically over the years by guys who thought they knew what girls wanted, but didn't have a clue. It's actually a very simple equation - flowers, nice dinner, dancing, not being a jackass (ah, here comes the pent-up bitterness)...you know what? It's all common sense. You put in a little effort, you actually listen to her, and you just might be a keeper.

So. It's a new year, and I have a whole lot of things I need to work on. But I've got a lot going for me, too. We'll see what I can accomplish, if I lay off the Jagerbombs for a while.